Our Mr. Coward's such a nice young man (such a nice young man is he).
It must be remorse for being so coarse in the days when love was free;
When private lives and other men's wives were a riot of dope and gin.
Ah, vice on the stage was all the rage when Coward and sin came in.

But now Mr. Coward is much too nice (such a nice young man is he)
To shatter and vex our ideals of sex with themes of adultery.
Now he mirrors the age on a larger stage and his people are loyal and true,
And when they sing, it's "God Save the King"" or  "Three Cheers for the
Red, White and Blue".

What a change to go to a nice, clean show (such a nice clean show, my dears),
And to see the vast and impersonal cast march past to deafening cheers.
It's not quite art or terribly smart, but dowagers weep in the stalls.
And I really can't see why the man next to me repeatedly said it was balls!